Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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