Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
