I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
