Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
