I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
