She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
