Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My vagina just recognized that song.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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