I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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