12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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