It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
