So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
