Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.