No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed