Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.

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  (573): i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina. http://tfl.nu/5va6
  Replies (40) Good night (3709) Bad night (1126)
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  (858): View more from California

  Do you think there is vodka in heaven?

  (619): View more from California

  you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity

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  (858): Do you think there is vodka in heaven? (619): you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity http://tfl.nu/y8gk
  Replies (81) Good night (4155) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?

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  (252): Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot? http://tfl.nu/byc9
  Replies (14) Good night (4405) Bad night (818)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

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  (303): Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming. http://tfl.nu/sem8
  Replies (41) Good night (787) Bad night (4482)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2413) Bad night (10076)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen

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  (626): i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/216j
  Replies (4) Good night (2990) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.

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  (323): She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine. http://tfl.nu/16u8
  Replies (4) Good night (1909) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.

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  (502): Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication. http://tfl.nu/d8fz
  Replies (4) Good night (1903) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.

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  (425): I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque. http://tfl.nu/62jx
  Replies (4) Good night (772) Bad night (3600)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.

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  (267): I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement. http://tfl.nu/314h
  Replies (10) Good night (1330) Bad night (2878)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.

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  (610): Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory. http://tfl.nu/8tn6
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (1796)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy

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  (240): I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy http://tfl.nu/3nw9
  Replies (3) Good night (1040) Bad night (3424)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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  (623): Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds. http://tfl.nu/ovdt
  Replies (9) Good night (969) Bad night (4024)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Was I asleep on the ride home?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.

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  (512): Was I asleep on the ride home? (1-512): Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq2f
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.

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  (734): You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts. http://tfl.nu/l485
  Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (215)

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