I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
