I cannot find my penis.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
