best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
