why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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