Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
