I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
