i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize