Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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