ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
