I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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