I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize