i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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