Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
