Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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