you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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