Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
