Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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