i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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