Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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