My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
