Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
