omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
