I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
