U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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