he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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