i just wanna soil my oats bro
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
