the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
