you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
