Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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