i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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