Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
