I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
