We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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