I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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