Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
