im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
