All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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