im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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