I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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