I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.