Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive