Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?