the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.