are you still at the devil's house?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous