im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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