making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?