Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
