Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
