i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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