I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
