when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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