david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
