6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do herpes really smell.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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