At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
