I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
