If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
