how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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