it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
