The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
