I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nutella sex= disaster
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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