At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
