We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize