My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
