five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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