she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
