THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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